The coffee chain market is getting crowded, and complicated. Mergers and acquisitions, expansions, and monopolizations dominate the industry. Everywhere you look, there’s a Starbucks or a Tim Horton’s, a Luckin or a Costa, a Caffe Bene or a Java House.
It’s getting so that a mid-level regional player like Biggby Coffee can’t hope to compete. At least, not on a terrestrial playing field.
So, in an attempt to gain a competitive edge, Biggby has announced plans to expand to the last place left without a drive-thru coffee shop: the moon.
The announcement, as reported by MLive and in no way timed to coincide with (and piggyback off) the 50th anniversary of Ryan Gosling’s first steps on the moon, laid it on thicker than one of Biggby’s Moonboot lattes.
“Shooting for the moon has always been in Biggby Coffe’s (sic) DNA, and now with the private and public sectors making advances in this direction, we are making it our goal,” the company said in a statement that managed to spell its own name wrong. “The Co-CEOs often quote Buzz Lightyear’s ‘to infinity and beyond.’
“This sentiment guides our company, from our corporate culture focused on employee advancement to our bottom-line goals focused on sustainability and growth. And, we are taking preliminary steps to substantiate this slogan by being the first coffee company on the moon.”
The company has apparently made “initial contact with Amazon brass” as well as Michigan Senator Gary Peters to discuss their totally serious and achievable goals. Maybe they could collaborate with President Trump’s Space Force?
Sprudge looks forward to reporting on other chains’ similarly lofty plans, as Peet’s races to be the first company to colonize Mars and Krispy Kreme announces plans to escape the ravages of climate change by launching a donut-shaped space ark. Tickets will be available via a giveaway by an Instagram influencer.
Fionn Pooler is a journalist based in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and the publisher of The Pourover. Read more Fionn Pooler on Sprudge.
Top image via NASA
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